Now that I was at home on bedrest (not walking through airports or sitting next to a pool in Florida), Daniel and I had to figure out what to do. I had been instructed to stay on bedrest until week 36, the end of June. That seemed almost impossible with a 17-month-old at home! But we were committed to doing what was best for the baby.
My mother had planned to come from South Dakota to help after the baby came. But she was planning to come at the end of July (and this was May). In the meantime, she was travelling to South Carolina for my brother’s wedding on June 7, and then to Oklahoma the following week to spend 4 – 6 weeks with her mother, who was having rotator cuff shoulder surgery and would be unable to care for herself or even dress herself.
A gracious offer came to us in a unexpected way: Daniel’s sister Darla, a junior in high school, offered to come and live with us, skipping school 3 days a week to help us out. Initially, fearing that her grades would suffer and her other activities and responsibilities would be neglected, I didn’t think that was a good idea, but somehow the amazing Darla made it work! She didn’t really even ask, she basically just told her teachers that she needed to miss school to help her family! I shouldn’t have been surprised! 🙂 She worked so hard both at our house (caring for Mara and the dogs, helping with dishes and housework and making meals) and balancing school, church activities and her own family responsibilities (I don’t even know everything she must have had going on!). We literally could not have made it without her!
Our sweet friend Ruth from church began coordinating child care for Mara (on the days that Darla couldn’t be with us) and meals for us several nights a week. With Daniel’s crazy work schedule, we had to look at each week individually to see the days and times Daniel would be home or working late and match that up with the days Darla could be with us, and find people to help during Mara’s remaining “wake-times.” Ruth did a great job spear-heading this effort, and we felt incredibly blessed to be served by so many members of our church family (some members that we hardly even knew) in such abundant ways.
Bedrest, as you might imagine, was difficult for me. I like to think I did a good job, under the circumstances! The doctors had said I could be sitting up, so I did anything I could from our bed or the couch. I thought I would have plenty of time for extra reading and Bible study, but surprisingly, I still stayed quite busy. I folded laundry, which my “helpers” brought to my bed. I divided an assortment of snacks into snack bags, so Daniel could just grab them for his lunch. I typed up detailed instructions for Mara’s schedule and care, so the random people who were watching her on any given day would have a general idea of her “routine.” I made simple grocery lists and e-mailed them to Daniel, who stopped at the store on his way home. I looked for baby items we needed on “freecycle” and arranged for Daniel to pick them up.
I spent lots of time with Mara. We brought her booster seat into my bedroom, so she could eat there when necessary. We had fun watching her put her bunny into the booster seat, strap him in, attach the tray, and pretend to feed him, just like we feed her! Since I could no longer lift her, she learned to carry the stepstool into my bedroom, bringing her books, and climb up next to me on the bed. She loves reading, and there was plenty of time for it! We read Sammy the Seal and Corduroy over and over and Bible stories, like the story of Nicodemus (or “Bee-oh-wee-oh,” as Mara called him!). I had my “helpers” bring fruit and snacks within reach of my bed, so when I was home alone with Mara, we could grab something to eat without going downstairs. She loved eating the apples (“bapples,” she called them). In fact, the first time she ate an apple, it was 3/4 gone before I had a chance to tell her not to eat the core!
It was a bittersweet time for Mara and me. Mara was forced to be a “big girl,” to do things “all by herself.” It was exciting to see her pushed a little–to see what she was capable of. But at the same time, she was still so very young, practically still a baby herself. She often cried when I told her I couldn’t pick her up or she had to go up the stairs all by herself. That was the bitter part, because I knew that when (finally) I could pick her up again, there would be another, new baby in my arms, taking her place. She really was my “big girl” now. In a sense, that made the transition simpler for her, in that she had to adjust to not being carried or held before her baby brother ever arrived at our house. When he came, there was never any hint of jealousy toward him. That was the sweet part.
Running parallel to the preterm labor issues, we also had the continuing saga of the landlord not paying the mortgage or the water bill. The water department came out to shut off our water on May 15 and we had to race around like crazy to get money to the water department that day for all the previous unpaid water bills. If she had told us she was not paying the water bill, we could have done something about it before Daniel had to take off work to deliver money to the water department. What a hassle!
There were things I could do on bedrest regarding our living situation: I revised and proofed Daniel’s communication with our landlord, and spent time talking with legal assistance agencies to figure out what our options were, as far as continuing to live there, since we had a rental contract through December, but the landlord was defaulting on her mortgage. Bottom line: we just needed to find a new place to live.
Being on bedrest, I could no longer continue looking at houses with Daniel and our realtor, Christine. So we decided that they would continue looking without me, but before he would make an offer, we would re-visit the house and I would go along as well.
After a week of this, I thought, we will get into some sort of bedrest routine. But as it turned out, bedrest at home didn’t even last a week.