I have a good friend, Donna, who unfortunately lives in South Carolina while I live here. But she grew up about 45 minutes from here, and that is only the beginning of our similarities!
Donna and I were in college together. Started the same year. Sat out of college to work our second year. Returned to college the same year. Worked as RA’s together in our college dorm. While she was interior design and I was accounting/journalism, we bonded through our RA experiences. We graduated the same time. Went to the same church in South Carolina for about seven years after college. We were in each other’s weddings. In fact, in addition to being a bridesmaid, she also did my flowers–my wedding bouquet and the topper for our wedding cake! All that to say, she’s a dear, dear friend.
She knows a thing or two about preemies and bedrest as well. In 2003, her son was born premature (due to PPROM) at 31 weeks. He spent five weeks in the NICU, although today he is perfectly healthy, and you’d never guess! In 2006, she was on bedrest with her second pregnancy because of preterm labor. I was with her in the hospital when she went into active labor at 34 weeks (her husband, a pilot, was out of town). Somehow with medications, they held off her labor until exactly 37 weeks, when she delivered her second son full-term!
Here’s where our stories merge again. On baby #3, she is (like me) . . .
- Having a girl this time
- Having a lot of contractions, especially anytime she is going out shopping or on her feet for long periods of time
- Spending a lot of time with the Maternal Fetal Medicine people
- Having a lot of similar tests: like FFN (like me, still coming back negative so far) and ultrasounds monitoring the baby and her cervical changes
- Rejoicing in similarities: our same-day ultrasounds a week ago Thursday, indicated weight estimates of 3 lbs. 13 ozs (my girl) and 3 lbs. 10 ozs. (her girl)
- Puzzling over similarities (like awhile back, when both of our cervical lengths went up from 3.1 to 3.9! How weird and crazy is that?!)
- Struggling with the same question of when to call the doctor when you have contractions all the time? and what is that illusive “something different” that they keep telling us we’re looking for?
- And, craziest of all, she is due the same day I am! (Although neither of us have plans to actually deliver in March, we will both be happy if our girls wait until at least February.)
Unbelievable!
When we first discussed our pregnancies, I quipped, “We should have a race to see who can keep the baby inside the longest!”
She said, “Yes, but what would the prize be?”
I couldn’t believe she had to ask. Incredulous, I replied: “Being the mom without the NICU baby!!!!” But on further reflection, I thought, “That’s really unfair to the other mom, who honestly would have no way of keeping her baby out of the NICU.”
Unlike me, Donna is not on bedrest, which both of us consider absolutely miraculous, given her history with her previous two pregnancies. I fully expected her to “beat me” to bedrest! She also is not on progesterone or procardia this time, as she prefers more natural methods whenever possible. She is also (unlike me) hoping to deliver with a midwife, if all goes well.
Donna called me again Friday morning after her latest materal fetal medicine appointment.
I can’t explain how much I enjoy talking to her about our pregnancies.
Donna understands the difficulty of caring for toddlers and the struggles of maintaining a house while on bedrest. She did that with her second pregnancy. She understands the challenges and risks a NICU baby (and NICU parents) are facing. But she’s come through and she’s seen God’s grace in her own life and the life of her family. And she always points me back to Him. There’s no sense of pity or despair: it’s just where we’re at right now. Right now, there are very few people I can talk with that way!
It’s kind of like when I was studying for the CPA exam:
There were people who pitied me and said ‘oh I’ve heard how terrrrrrible that exam is! Good luck studying, and I hope you ever get your life back since no one people actually passes it the first time.’ (Oh the drama.)
Then there were people who had no clue what the exam was like, and would say things like ‘yeah, I’m thinking of starting a lemonade stand, so I’m studying too.’ Okay, no one actually said that, but my point is their comments told you they had absolutely no idea what was involved in becoming a CPA!
But when I talked to my peers (those taking the review course two nights a week from July – November, while working crazy hours starting out at the CPA firm, those spending most every weeknight and most of their weekends studying instead of hanging out with college friends), those were the people I could really talk to. Half of the conversations (that I had with everyone else) went unsaid, because I didn’t have to explain–we were in it together. And they understood.
So when Donna and I talk, we understand because we’ve both been there, and we both could potentially be facing many of the same circumstances all over again.
We share test results, and we don’t have to explain what the test is for or what the results mean, because we both have them. We compare notes from our appointments. We laugh over our husbands’ responses to everything going on. Together we are thankful for husbands that provide for us, care for us, jump right in to help whenever the contractions get more intense–and sometimes even protect us from ourselves (Donna’s husband told her a few weeks ago, ‘if the doctor doesn’t put you on bedrest, I will.’).
It’s always such an encouragement to talk to someone whose been there, and is walking much the same path right now, looking to God for His grace and strength each step of the way!
Next call: Monday morning, after my appointment. Can’t wait!