Mara Loves Her Little Sister

Last night after Micah went to bed and my sister-in-law went home for the night, Mara climbed into my bed (where I’m appropriately stationed on “bed”rest). Daniel was working late, so it was Mara and Mommy time.

We read three books. After we were done, she asked, “Mommy, now can I read a book to the little sister?”

So she re-“read” Just Going to the Dentist to her little sister. She has so many of her books mostly memorized, and only occasionally she would stop and ask, “What does this page say?” I’d give her a few words to trigger the memory.

It was kind of humorous to me that she wanted to read a book on going to the dentist to a baby that’s not even born yet.

But at the same time, it was sooo precious. I wanted to run downstairs and grab my camera so I could remember it always. Of course, I couldn’t, and frankly that would have ruined the moment anyway. So instead I just sat there, taking it in: My three-year-old, red-haired girl sitting there in her brown-with-white-polka-dot-kitty-sleeper, legs crossed, reading a book to her little sister, before she was even born.

It was a special moment.

Tonight I was sitting on the couch after dinner, and Mara asked, “Can I give the little sister a hug?” She threw her arms around my middle and planted a huge kiss on my belly. “I gave her a BIIIIIG hug and I KISSED her!” she exclaimed.

I can tell she’s smitten already. And that makes me really happy.

Bedrest Blogging

My husband brought his laptop up to our room specifically so I could blog while I’m on bedrest.

Somehow it doesn’t feel right to be blogging while other people are killing themselves to watch my kids and make us meals. But Daniel says I should feel no guilt. He said, “You better believe, if I ever have surgery and have to lie down for a few weeks, I’ll be enjoying the time in bed reading books and on my computer!”

And he said he wants me to enjoy this time too.

It’s hard for a person like me to “enjoy” bedrest.

I look around the house and see a million things that need to be put away. I see my previously well-potty-trained three-year-old randomly wetting herself two or three times a day. I hear my 19-month-old calling “Maaaaama!” from downstairs and I want to go hug him. I see my husband put in a full day at work and come home to wash dishes, do laundry, put the kids to bed. And I know that all the people who are so graciously helping us, have very busy lives of their own, and I wish there was some way I could go help them in return. . .  so it’s hard for me to enjoy bedrest.

But now God’s will for me is bedrest. So I am trying to learn to find not only contentment, but even joy, while flat on my back as long as I need to be here for out little girl.

I’ve thought a lot about the Apostle Paul. How did he find contentment being tossed at sea and shipwrecked, being beaten and left for dead? How was it that he could sing with joy at midnight while in prison?

And wow, bedrest is so much easier than any of those scenarios! On bedrest I’m surrounded by my family (Even if my kids don’t understand why I can’t pick them up or play with them like usual, at least we are all still together!) and I have all the comforts of home (my bed, my clothes, my books, my music . . . and now my blog!)

So, here’s to enjoying bedrest!

As my 3-year-old daughter would say (holding up her sippy), “Let’s toast, Mommy!”  I love it!

31 Week Update

Well, I have officially made it to 31 weeks! While we’re hoping for several more, I can’t say how grateful I am to be this far along.

On Monday I had my after-discharge-from-the-hospital-checkup with Dr. C. I’ve only seen him once before, and I have to say it was like seeing a completely different doctor. I don’t know if I caught him on a terribly busy day the first time or what, but he hardly looked up from my chart–he stood against the counter facing the wall, and in the two minutes he spent with me, I think he turned slightly toward me a total of 3 times (one of those to listen to the heartbeat).

This time he was amazing! Very thorough. Super friendly. Telling me “we’re here 24-7 and I want you to call anytime you have a concern!”

After getting out of the hospital, I did have a couple concerns.

Disclaimer: If you’re a guy or if you hate it when women discuss pregnancy stuff openly, this post isn’t for you. You should definitely skip the rest of this post. It is just TMI and will probably gross you out. It would have definitely grossed me out before children! But I’m here on bedrest, blogging–about bedrest. So (Warning!) there may be a few posts like this over the next few weeks.

I keep googling “procardia side effects” and “17p hydroxyprogesterone side effects” and “labor after progesterone shots” and “pregnancy after preemie” to learn about other women’s experiences, so I figure maybe someday, it may actually interest (and possibly even benefit?) someone in the same circumstance. I don’t know. But I hope so!

As I was saying . . .

First, on Saturday, I had a bit of “bloody show.” Not a huge amount, but what I remembered early on the morning that Micah was born (when I was over 5 cm dilated), which made me a little nervous. My contractions were not increasing though, in either intensity or frequency (as they were when Micah came). So I decided labor couldn’t really be progressing and maybe it was due to my cervical exam on Thursday.

Second, in the early hours of Monday morning, I woke up with severe nausea and diarrhea. It was horrible. I never actually threw up, but I was sitting there on the toilet heaving and holding the trash can because the nausea was so strong. None of my family was sick; and we had all eaten the same things on Sunday, so I ruled out food poisoning and stomach flu. I’d been struggling with the opposite problem (constipation) because of my progesterone, so this experience was definitely “something different.” I couldn’t sleep for about two hours. Again, my contractions were pretty normal (for me): several each hour, but nothing increasing in intensity or frequency. After about two hours, I felt well enough to go back to sleep. So I decided to wait and tell the doctor in the morning. But this was another symptom that was similar to the morning-of-delivery with both Mara and Micah.

As far as the nausea and diarrhea, Dr. C laughed when I said I was on both progesterone and procardia. He said, “You’re on progesterone and procardia?? That’ll mess you up!”

Thanks, Doc.

Then he added, after the constipation, this must be a welcome change, right?! Riiiight! (Hear my sarcasm, PLEASE!)

He said between pregnancy and medications, he would guess my body is just a bit out of sorts, trying to figure all this out. I can accept that I’m definitely out of sorts these days.

Little Boo’s head is still down (still pulling for a VBAC!!) and Dr. C said the “station” was -2, up from -1, which the resident told me last week. Isn’t it supposed to go the other direction? I guess that’s good news. The baby is now farther away from delivery (yay!).  I don’t know if that tells me anything at all, or just that the whole cervical exam is pretty subjective.

Dr. C said I was still at 1 cm, which was very encouraging! It seems unreal to me, during every cervical exam, when they say “1 cm” because as many contractions as I have had every day for almost two months, it seems like we would definitely be seeing some dilation going on! (Not that I’m complaining!–Just surprisedevery time!) The real test will be next week–the week I was 3 cm with Micah. . . if I am still 1 cm, then all the progesterone, procardia and bedrest will really be paying off!

Dr. C did say however, “I wouldn’t say you’re 100% effaced, but once you start dilating, you’re pretty much effaced.” (How do you translate that comment into a percentage? I took it to mean I’m almost completely effaced.) Which indicated some progress since last week at Thursday’s cervical exam when I asked about effacement, and the resident said, “Nope, you’re still nice and long.” The change in effacement could explain my concern about the “show.”

Dr. C said the 1 cm was what he was most concerned about at this point. No dilation since I left the hospital. So they will see me every week from here on out, and they’ll be doing a cervical exam each time.

Like all the obs, he said I need to be looking for “something different” and calling if I have any concerns, because I’m already experiencing such frequent contractions that I can’t really use that to determine when to go to the hospital.

“I imagine you’ll be making a couple more trips up to the hospital before you actually deliver,” he added.

While that’s not particularly encouraging, at least we know: they’re expecting to see a lot of me!

I’m still left with the daily dilemmas of bedrest: How many contractions is too many? How close together is too close? And: was that just a side effect of a medication? or was that something different”?

Time will tell. For now, we are taking one day at a time.

Thankful to be at week 31 and counting . . .

Dear Abandoned Blog. . .

Wow! We have to catch up!

I can’t wait to share memories and pictures with my family for Thanksgiving, Christmas with Daniel’s family, the kids playing outside in the Nor’easter that dumped 23 inches of snow on our city last month, our first family portraits since we got married six years ago . . . and, last but not least, updates on our Little Boo, who–I am thankful to say–is still inside at 31 weeks!

I thought I would “catch up” the week after Christmas. But instead I spent Monday – Thursday on the Mom Unit in the hospital, and now I’m home on bedrest. It feels like “deja vu, all over again,” as they say.

We were hoping Micah’s preterm labor and premature birth was just a fluke, since my pregnancy with Mara was completely normal and full-term. But so far, we are having much the same experience again. With the exception (and a huge exception that may make all the difference for our Little Boo!), that the doctors are treating everything sooner this time because Micah was premature. So maybe by 32 weeks (when I was 3 cm and 70% effaced with Micah), we will still see no cervical change . . .

All that to say: I will be back!

But for now, bedrest.

This crazy procardia lowers my blood pressure so all my energies (including thinking and writing) are really low right now. . . but I will be back.

I actually miss blogging.

Is it weird to miss your blog?

Daniel, no comment. . .

“Pray About Daddy”

Before bed I always ask Mara what she would like to pray about tonight. Usually she rehearses memories from the day. Usually happy ones. Occasionally sad ones.

This morning Daniel took Mara grocery shopping with him; he’s doing the grocery shopping for now, until the baby is farther along. Once he came home, he and Micah walked to Blockbuster to return a video.  After lunch and the kids’ naps, Daniel took Mara to church with him. (I stayed home with Micah, since we’re trying to minimize my contractions.) After church, the kids watched the Eagles’ game with Daniel. So both kids (and Mara, especially) enjoyed a good amount of “Daddy time” today!

Tonight as she lay on her bed, I asked what she wanted to pray about. Instantly she replied, “Pray about Daddy,” with a blissful smile, in a voice that sounded like a pre-teen daydreaming about her latest crush.

“What about Daddy?” I asked.

“Heeee’s awwwwful,” she said. (Same voice.)

“He’s awful?”

“Yeah! . . . He’s awful! And he’s pretty cute!” she added.

“He’s awful and pretty cute?”

“Yeah!” Same dreamy voice.

“Do you mean he’s awful? or he’s awesome?” I asked, just to clarify.

“Yeah–he’s awwwesome!”

“Okay, we will thank God that Daddy took you with him to church and to go grocery shopping,” I said. “Should we pray about anything else?”

“No,” she replied, dreamily. “Just pray about Daddy.”